The Tale Of The One Eyed Freak Boy

They arrived in town, two windswept travellers and one who kept his hat pulled down low. The dust was blowing the town into a hazy whirl of obscurity, which was what the weary travellers had been hoping for. The chance to get established before the locals saw what was hidden beneath the hat of the third traveller. Blondie McCarthy slipped silently into the quietest looking hotel and requested three beds. "Downt get many trav'lurs in these parts nowt mist is ont mountain" the proprieter said cautiously
"what be your bus'ness here?". Blondie explained that they were just passing through, but the northern mountain pass was closed, and they were hoping to wait out the storm. The proprietor slowly handed over the key for the room. As Blondie brought the bags in 'Skunk Stink' Whitlock opened the window to let the One Eyed Freak Boy slip through unnoticed.

Night passed without event as the three travellers ate canned fish, played cards and drank whiskey, without leaving their temporary habitation. The next morning Skunk Stink, Blondie and the One Eyed Freak Boy decided to try for the town's favour boy joining them for breakfast in the eatery of a more popular hotel. The One Eyed Freak Boy pulled his hat down low as they entered the restaurant. They found a dark corner, sat down and ordered eggs from the waitress. As the waitress brough three teas and the eggs over she noticed that one of the three was wearing a hat "arm sorry but it be mighty impu'light to wear hats in deez parts". The Freak Boy was suddenly paralyzed with terror. If the town saw him properly then they would be chased out like last time. This time, however, Blondie had an idea, he immediately lept to the table and ripped off his coat to reveal a flourescant Pink Vest. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls; Behold a tale of selflessness and heroism in the face of great danger, behold the story of Crazy Hair and the Six Pumas"

The room was deadly silent, and all eyes were on the storytelling stranger, including the waitress who had now taken a seat next to Skunk Stink to hear the tale. He continued with his story: "One dark and cloudy day three wayward travellers were passing through a rocky gauge when one of them, who was riding up ahead, heard the sound of crying amongst what sounded like the rumble of thunder. Without so much of a thought he ran to where the sound was to discover a bonnie baby surrounded by six unnaturally large snarling Pumas. Sensing the threat to their new found lunch the Pumas turned on the man. He grabbed a branch and managed to beat their first wave of attacks with just enough gusto, but he knew that he couldn't hold them off forever. They relented and regrouped for what seemed like an age and then attacked again. He kicked one and beat another off with the branch before retreating on to a large rock. Sensing victory the Pumas started to return their hungry gaze towards the baby. It was do or die time for this defensless baby. He fished into his pocket and found some matches and a bottle of whiskey. He doused and set fire to the branch, before leaping fearlessly into the throng of snarling beasts. Upon seeing the fire, all but one of the Pumas fled from the scene, however the remaining Pumas stood his ground.

The Puma fought hard and long, slashing with his claws and dodging the burning branch. In one final attempt to defeat its opponent the Puma leapt at the man gashing his eye with his claw before taking to the flames and running for the hills where his friends were in wait. Bleeding heavily, the man named Crazy Hair returned to his friends holding the unharmed baby aloft. Amongst his severest injuries was the disfigured bulb of an eye that would refuse to heal. The baby was returned to it's grateful family and the three men continued along their way. These three men are sat in this room including the most unlikely hero. At this point Blondie removed the hat from The One Eyed Freak Boy's head to reveal a throng of crazy hair and a half closed disfigured eye. At first the crowd gasped in shock at the hideous injury, including the waitress who leapt from her chair. But after a short silence a man at the back of the room stood alone and begun to clap slowly. Gradually the rest of the room followed suit, and the three men were accepted into the bosom of the townspersons' warmth. Free beer came from all directions and the three travellers were invited back to the town whenever theu wanted.

A few days later the three left for their ride north beaming with smiles. In truth there had never been a baby or six enormous Pumas. The One Eyed Freak Boy had actually been bitten on his eyelid by a spider in the night causing it to swell up and look and make him look like the freak he was. The above was a true story that I just made up while on a rather bumpy dirt track in between the mountains and the coast.